She got on the big yellow school bus, the book bag larger than her. It looked so big on her I thought for a second she might just tip over. She was so excited for her first bus ride to kindergarten that she forgot to turn around on the top step to wave goodbye like she said she would.
I watched helplessly as it drove down the street and out of sight. And just like that….it was over. The life we had lived for the past 5 years was over. I know that most of you might think it sounds so dramatic, but it’s how I feel. I know that wonderful moments are ahead of us and there is so much left to enjoy. I have no doubt in my mind that is all true. However, there is this part of me, this part of her…..this part of us…that is only in the past now.
Last week, my daughter began her school journey. The journey that would result in her going to school every weekday, barring holidays and breaks, for the next 13+ years. The life, our life, that involved lazy mornings in our PJs at the kitchen table, crowd free days in the city while everyone else was at work or school and empty playgrounds all to ourselves was over. I foolishly thought I had time. I thought it would last longer than it has. I can’t help but think of how much we’ve done….and how many things I thought we would do but never got to. What happened to the time?
I could kick myself now for those rough days when the time seemed to drag on and I couldn’t wait for my husband to walk through the door for some relief. As hard as those days were, I would give anything to make it last a little longer. But I know time won’t stop no matter how hard we wish it to.
Quite honestly, I never thought I would be “that mom”. The emotional first day of kindergarten mom. I thought I would revel in the quiet time and feel excited to get my days back! I am a sentimental person, but it takes a lot for me breakdown and allow loneliness and a sense of longing to set in. It just was never who I was. Yet here I am. “That mom”.
So now after 5 years of motherhood, I can say 2 things for certain. 1) Yes, it really does go by as quickly as they say. 2) Yes, motherhood changes you.
All you can do is enjoy every second. And wait patiently for that big yellow school bus to come back into view.