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Just a few short weeks ago I posted about trying to have a welcoming, open minded, non-mom-shaming summer. Just a few short weeks ago I pleaded with moms to “Mom and Let Mom”. To play nice in the sandbox this summer. And now here I am. Upset, disgusted and disappointed in a fellow mom.
It was a hot afternoon in New York City yesterday. The high reached 92. My newly 5 year old daughter and I were having a great day. Picnic under the Brooklyn Bridge, a carousel ride, a stroll through the park and some ice cream eating. It was a wonderful, yet sweaty day! We kept cool in the shade and with plenty of cold water. If we had time, we would’ve gone to the cute spray park. We walked by it and saw a crowd of little ones, some in bathing suits, some in their clothes and some in their undies. I had brought my daughter’s bathing suit just in case, but we didn’t get to use it before catching a ferry back home.
Just like most moms, I get picture happy (well, when I remember to take them!). So as she was walking or playing I would be snapping away. My little one is quite the ham and would be posing along the way.
As I was taking her picture, a young girl, maybe 13-14 years old, stopped and smiled at her. “Oh I love her outfit! Mom, isn’t she so cute?” She pointed my daughter out to her mother. The mother shook her head at me.
Isn’t that a bit inappropriate to dress your child in something so revealing? It’s too sexy in my opinion.
I stared at her in shock. I looked at my daughter. She was wearing a loose, charcoal colored harem pants romper. It was a halter top so the back was open. Revealing? Because her upper back was exposed? No different than any other child walking around in a bathing suit or something to keep her or him cool on a hot day. She had jellies on and was carrying her Abby Cadabby doll. Sexy? It’s not like the kid had on heels and makeup and some slinky dress on! Sadly, I am aware of the fact that some current fashions attempt to sexualize children even at this young age, however, this was a comfortable cotton jumpsuit on a child who was very much just acting her age. There were no vulgar words on the shirt or anything remotely offensive. This woman actually felt the need to point out she didn’t approve of it and shame me?
She’s 5 years old. If you look at a 5 year old and think the word “sexy”, I believe you’re the inappropriate one!
After my response, the mother continued to say blah blah blah “in my opinion” (even commenting on my daughter’s “grown up haircut!”???). Well, I didn’t ask for her opinion! However, in stead of making a scene in front of both her daughter and mine, I took my little one’s hand in mine and walked away. (Although I did have to hear my daughter ask me why “that lady” didn’t like her hair.)
So much for escaping mom shaming this summer! Oh the joys of parenthood!
Now, I am asking for your opinion. Here’s my daughter. Is this inappropriate for a 5 year old to wear to a park in the summer? What are your thoughts?
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Not inappropriate at all! I think it looks cute and comfy. Totally agree on your comment back to the woman as she was the inappropriate one. Also love the haircut. Your daughter is adorable
Thank you, Mary, for your sweet words and for stopping by to read!
Why does she have a phone.. thats my only concern
It’s a toy phone.
I just happened upon your blog while doing some research, and this is the first post I came across. I felt so fired up that I had to comment, which I have never ever done on a blog!
Not only does your adorable daughter look super fashionable, but her outfit is completely age-appropriate and she looks comfortable and ready for fun and play! Moms who criticize and try to shame other moms are truly the worst. It stems from their own insecurity. Don’t let her negative comments stick with you. Not only was it completely inappropriate for her to say what she said, but she was flat out WRONG about it too. Keep doing what you’re doing mama, and trust your instincts!
Thanks so much, Rebecca! I am so glad you shared your thoughts! It’s so tough to not let things get to me, but I try. It just boggles my mind that other moms (who are going through the same crazy journey you are!) find it acceptable to criticize and shame. Aren’t we all just trying to navigate through this huge responsibility that is motherhood?
Hi! Your daughter is gorgeous and I love her outfit plus her haircut. I have 3 little girls, and my only concern is the exposed back. Maybe it’s my own insecurities; if I wouldn’t want to wear it, I tend to avoid buying it for my kids. I definitely wouldn’t call it sexy tho. She looks cute!
Hi Karla,
Thanks for your honest comment and kind words. We are all different and that’s ok! There’s no need to tear each other down and make another mom feel like she’s doing something wrong! Mom and let mom!
Your daughter outfit is completely age appropriate for a hot day. She is just 5 years old. Exposing some back at this age is not sexy. Shame on her for saying those aching words. I have 2 years old daughter too.
Thanks for your comment, Rhythm!
I’m in the age-appropriate and adorable camp. I also wondered about the phone. Would you write a post about how you manage your darling daughter’s electronic media intake and safety. I bet lots of moms would appreciate it. – Julie
She looks absolutely adorable! Here in Las Vegas, after a certain temperature…WHO CARES!? I am appalled by any nay-sayers, who are mothers themselves, who go out of their way to give you grief. Please tell me she has worn this multiple times since!
And the toy phone is awesome. Sheesh. If she had a real one, that’s fine, too. Many of my friends give their kids their old, disconnected phones to play music and games on. There are much worse things a parent could do.
(The major downside to blogging, right?)
You’re a GOOD mama. She is lucky to have you!
Hello!
I am so sorry that this happened to you and your daughter! This is my perspective from a Christian standpoint. After Adam and Eve ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, it says their eyes were opened and they realized that they were naked. They made loincloths out of fig leaves. (Genesis 3:7) in verse 10 it says that Adam hid because he knew he was naked. Why would Adam be worried about being “naked” if just covering the groin was enough? God clothed Adam and Eve in tunics after this that (according to the original Greek) reached from shoulder to knee. In context, this seems like the way that God wants us to be dressed. We let babies run around in diapers all the time. So, when should they (in a biblical viewpoint) begin to dress like God intended all of us to dress to be modest? I don’t have the answer to that, however, if we begin setting the example early for them and helping them and showing them how to dress then the easier it will be for them to understand and accept that. Should anyone look at a 5 year old and think “sexy”? Absolutely not! Should this woman have come up and criticized you in front of everyone including your daughter? Absolutely not! You are the strong and sensible one who kindly asked the opinion of others on your blog about your little girl’s dress. The woman who talked to you was not kind at all and should not have done what she did! And your daughter’s hair is adorable. 😉